Wednesday 12 September 2012

Living With Depression.



Depression is one of the parts that make up fibromyalgia, it can take us in a downward spiral sometimes slowly, sometimes so quick you don't know what hit you.

Depression can be mild or severe & there are different types.  I suffer with bouts of clinical depression due to my illness, as a trained counsellor I have gotten much better at recognising the signs, and I then deal appropriately with it, whether it's a trip to see my doctor, exercise to release endorphines , also talking therapys.

But what about the people that don't  know how to recognise the signs, mild depression can soon become much worse if not treated correctly.

I have been at both ends of the spectrum but when in severe depression I used to hide away, hated going out, let go of personal care issues, didn't eat, cried all the time, felt there was no way out.

I felt everyone in the world was out to get me, that I couldn't do right for wrong, I was lonely but all I knew to do to cope was self harm, a technique I'd used as a teenager to deal wth negative emotions.

The self harm was just a sticking plaster, which soon came undone & that's when the feelings of suicide came into my head. I'd lay awake at night planning my death.

I knew I wouldn't be able to cut my wrists nor poison myself so would think about jumping off a bridge into traffic (then decided that's to dangerous for the drivers of the cars, I may want to die but I don't want to be reasponsible for causing the death of others).

I imagined jumping in front of a train but worried I'd b so much in bits my mom wouldn't be able to identify me.

So on and so on these thoughts passed through my head, then I realised there are many ways to commit suicide & I was giving a reason as o why that way wouldn't work or me.

I soon realised I didn't want to die, I had a reason to live (I had 2 small children at the time).  With my choice made that suicide wasn't what I wanted, what I wanted was understanding and help.

My doctor sent me for counselling, he also put me on anti-depressants which began to work after about a month, combined with my counselling & Being monitored by my doctor the blackness started to lift.

See that's the thing with depression it focuses our minds on all of the negatives in life and rarely the possitives.  The more negative thoughts we have the more severe the depression.

Depression is  mental illness, it needs to be recognised as such to as the impact it can have on an individual dependent on variations can be catastrophic.

There are ways to get better, my advice always seek out professional hlp either a doctor, nurse, counsellor anyone that can help you refocus your mind on the positives.

Asking or help can be hard especially in severe depression (I had a breakdown once) what people need to know is help is available, that they are not alone nor abnormal - as when in severe depression its easy to hide away because our heads are not functioning in the way they should be, they are working at a limited capacity.

Yet again another invisable, hard for others to see illness. Then there are the non beleivers !

Invisable is hard to live with because what can't be seen can be judged - this seems to be how it goes.

Educating yourself on your depression will help, the more knowledge you have the more you arm yourself against bad repeat episodes.

It's possible to get you and your life back to full capacity but for this to happen you must be a willing participant - wishing those with depression all Te best & I hope your recovery is peaceful.

Xx G

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